Bewitched at Whole Foods
My wife wanted a really good ham for Christmas dinner, and wasn’t impressed with the ingredients she read on the ones at the local Weis in PA. She called the Mt Washington Whole Foods to see what they had, and was advised to get a Wellshire Farms, spiral-sliced, all-natural, semi-boneless, cooked, seasoned, uncured ham. She found this somewhere:
Wellshire pig farmers raise their animals to meet all WF high quality standards: No antibiotics-ever, no animal by-products in feed, sows provided freedom of movement.
They follow the 5-step Animal Welfare Rating Standard: no crates, no cages, pasture raised, enhanced outdoor space, all physical alterations prohibited.
The ham is made without added nitrites or nitrates, artificial ingredients or preservatives.
So last evening, I got off the light rail and walked to Meadowbrook. My right shoulder is still sore from being knocked off the bike, but I had a decent swim. Then I walked to to Whole Foods. I found a nine pound ham that seemed to fit the bill – $4.99 per pound. Alden’s ice cream was on sale so I got two. I had ground beef at home, but instead I hit the steam table for coconut chicken, Vietnamese pork, broccoli, green beans and long-sliced squash.
I found a short line and laughed inwardly. Several of the cashiers at WF have names from the old Bewitched TV series. All they need is an Endora, I think. The young woman commented on the big ham so I told her my wife had called the store about it and that it was my job to bring it home.
The total was $95. Economists swear there’s no food inflation, but even when I don’t buy a big ham my totals always seem to be up near $100 lately. I swiped my debit card and punched in the code. I hardly ever even carry paper money anymore. Then the screen flashed, disapproved. My first thought was OMG somebody hacked my bank account! Then I realized I had used my fingers to punch in the PIN, and had probably missed a digit. But before I could try again the cashier asked me, “Is that a stolen credit card?” With a perfectly straight face.
My card has my picture on it, but I swallowed all the snarky things I could have done or said and simply swiped it again, using the stylus to key in the PIN – which worked.
As I left, I was trying to imagine the ladies at Weis saying anything other than, “Give it another swipe, dearie,” or “Do you want me to swipe it here?” I was also trying to imagine a “team member” at the Trader Joe’s on Reisterstown Road tossing out a comment like that. Does age bring better manners, or is it a training issue?