Flowers for Trumpmentum
Once there was a young man from a wealthy family. He studied hard at good schools, and when he was old enough, his father let him drive the company limousine so he could learn how rich people talked. So he learned to be very thoughtless towards other people, and even more obnoxious if they complained. And he learned lots of great words. Later, he wanted to be a real estate mogul like his Dad, and so he wore a suit and a colorful tie, and went to work every day, and made deals with people to build great stuff for very little money, like his Dad. The stuff wasn’t that great, but it looked good enough in brochures.
Everyone at work was rude, and he thought that he fit in well and that he really got along well with everyone. He got someone to help him write a book on making deals with the word ‘Art’ in the title, which was a great word. And he just kept showing up and giving orders, and blaming other people for stuff that went wrong, and sometimes his lawyers and accountants declared bankruptcy when there was no one left to blame. Since a lot of businessmen weren’t any smarter, he made a fair amount of money, and claimed he made even more to impress women.
As a joke, one day someone told him he should run for President. He actually tried it, but chose a small party no one had ever heard of, and he soon gave up.
As another joke, some network executives put him in a special reality TV program, where they made him look smart and forceful. He got to make decisions, with a little help, and even thought he was really hiring and firing people. Then a funny thing happened. More and more people started to believe he was really as smart as he seemed on television.
Someone else said he should run for President, but they were serious this time, and so he did, and he chose a bigger party. Now at this time, a lot of businessmen thought they were really smart, too, but they weren’t of course, so things were bad for a lot of people who were trying to follow company orders. Things were so bad that a lot of people hoped that a real businessman could save them from professional politicians, even though the politicians were actually taking orders from all the not very smart businessmen.
A lot of highly-educated people thought he was just kidding, and wasting his money, and would soon go away, but he didn’t. In fact, a lot of desperate people liked that he was rude to politicians and reporters, and he soon had momentum. Once he had momentum, people started asking harder questions, so he got even more obnoxious, just like he had learned. All the reporters tried to act like they were in on the joke, and they would call him up every day, and smile knowingly while they let him talk and talk and talk on the air.
The networks held debates and figured more people would watch to see how obnoxious he would be. So they asked him the most questions, and he obliged by being obnoxious, and all the other candidates thought it was great that someone else was attacking their rivals, and that holding back made them seem more presidential. And everyone thought they were winning.
He lost the first caucus, and all the reporters exhaled at once, and snickered. But then he started winning primaries, not by much, but by enough. At first the reporters called it a fluke, but after a few more they got scared, and tried to make fun of him to make people stop liking him. But the desperate people wouldn’t stop liking him.
Now not all the people were desperate. The not-desperate people wanted to elect not-desperate candidates that would do what they were told and make sure the not-desperate would stay that way.
So they held a debate where all the other candidates were obnoxious to him right away, and he was obnoxious right back. But he liked it, and was better at it, and his supporters still liked him. So they got another guy whose father had been rich, and who had tried to be president, to make fun of him. But all the desperate people still liked him. So they held another debate where even the reporters yelled at him, and helped the other candidates make fun of him.
That last debate made it very obvious to his desperate followers that they were right to not trust reporters and politicians and the not-desperate.
To be continued …